Dateline 10-4-2017

I don't know what happened but I've lost all of my steam. Where last week I found it easy to get right out of bed the moment I woke up and get right to work, this week I've been finding it hard to even get out of bed let alone jump right into my projects.

I know this started on Sunday morning which was my first waking day of my weekend bender, and that Monday's low mood was partially booze-fueled with a side of sorrow from the fucked up events in the news. Hell, I didn't even drink on Monday, but I'd still be willing to say that yesterday was another recovery day where I was still stuck in my head over world worries but I feel like I should at least start feeling better today.

By better, I don't really mean mentally, because as narcissistic as I joke to be, I fully understand how all this unnecessary death has a negative effect on my spirit. As a matter of fact, I feel this way all of the time and even wrote a few days ago how sometimes I feel guilty with all of this frivolous rambling while the rest of the world is at war.

This is why by better, I mean I physically feel like something's not quite right. It sort of feels like I'm staying in bed long while getting less sleep so the false feeling that I should feel more well rested makes my energy level feel extra low when compared to the days when I was up and at 'em following five or six hours of solid slumber where I woke with enough energy to take over the world.

Now I feel like I am chasing rest with longer naps but again, these mini-breaks now equal me tossing and turning for a couple hours instead of spending one solid half hour with my eyes closed. This leads to a lose/lose situation where if I stay in bed to try to get caught up on my sleep I end up feeling exhausted but then if I do give in and force myself to get up after a half hour of sleepless rest, I still end up feeling like an exhausted mess and either way I have no ability to focus.

Hopefully, this will work itself out pretty soon. As someone who's suffered from this type of sleep irregularity for most of my life, I'm prepared for it to come and go, I just always get caught off guard and think that I'm ill when it happens from out of the blue. 

Oh well, we'll see what happens. If I'm lucky, this will work itself out by tomorrow because I desperately need to get back to a weekday schedule more inducive to writing because it's now bed three days since I've rewritten a single word of my novel which I'm sure is adding to my overall low feeling which is then effecting my sleep.

I'll let you know how things turn out when I check in tomorrow.

Sincerely,

The Wicker Breaker