Dateline 7-24-2017

It's beginning to seem that the easier it is for me to get up early in the AM, the more boring my life seems to get, or it could be the more boring my life continues to grow to become, the easier it is for me to wake up so early in the AM. Either way, I'm not a huge fan of the boredom and miss the days that I felt more of a need to keep myself self-entertained.

Sure, I still have this blog that keeps me occupied but I seem to be losing my sense of purpose as I get older and older and my efforts continue to devolve back into feeling like my writing will never be seen as anything more than a hobby that will be completely irrelevant not long after I leave this Earth.

This is a scary thought to me, especially considering I have given up on the idea of experiencing success while alive and the driving force behind my efforts is the fantasy that someday in the distant future, I will be discovered post-mortem. I know it's a dark motivator but as a person with low confidence, it actually helps me keep making progress without even thinking about success or failure because, in this scenario, I was never really meant to experience either, instead this is more of an effort to create a virtual after life.

Now, I can see myself dying with no one in my life who has either the technical skills or interest in continuing to host this blog. Also, now that Microsoft forces me to password protect my computer, I can see all my other written content disappearing to technology as well. That's not to say that I blame these other people, as this is just my glass is half empty approach to a backup plan that I think about when my feelings get dark, which taking this thing full circle, mainly happens when I get bored.

I don't really know how I ended up starting the day with this morbid tone but it is still super early and I don't feel like I'm fully awake but am also too full of thoughts to simply just go back to sleep.

Oh well, I should lighten up as the day goes on and I'll keep you posted tomorrow, on how the day turns out either day.

Talk to you then,

The Wicker Breaker