Good Evening Crickets…

Aside from the pandemic and political nonsense… does anyone else feel that their reality is the exact opposite of their reality used to be… like how… back in the day… I was a rebellious punk living amongst a family of normals…now… I’m the one following the rules and isolating with my dog and my garden.. while the normals just do whatever they want…

I’ve had family members who I haven’t seen for years fly into visit multiple times since the pandemic started earlier this year… and I’m the asshole for not getting enthusiastic when they drop by… granted… it’s nice to see these loved ones… but I’m not even the main reason that they are dropping by… this week… the flood of relatives is to mourn the loss of my younger cousin… who recently died of an overdose from drugs…

I liked that kid… and used to hang out with him from time to time… where we would drink and share party stories… but we both chased a different type of high… I only drink and like hippie drugs… but never really got into the hard stuff… even though I tried from time to time… the hard stuff just wasn’t for me… my cousin never pushed any drugs on me… and I never judged him for his stories… I think that’s why he liked hanging out…

Now… the whole families in town… and I feel like a jerk for not wanting to hang out based on how casual they’ve been since this pandemic broke out… I can’t help but see my family in a situation where one of the family members who used to be insistent that the pandemic isn’t even real will catch the disease and spread it through the entire family… killing me… now that my inner ear issue is starting to resolve… after wreaking havoc on my mental health for decades…

With all of that said… I’m madder at myself than them because I’ve got myself into a situation where I’m back to living at home and have no say in who gets to drop by… I only get to decide whether or not I’m going to be social and join everyone in the shared areas… as far as they all go… it’s their lives to do with what they want… I don’t see them as bad people… I just don’t get all of the traveling visitors at this time…

Mainly… I hate feeling like an asshole for finally wanting to live… just in time for the polar reverse to where attending a sober family event might be considered self-destructive behavior… and I’m now the one judging those who are playing it safe… I wish them all well… but still won’t be attending any events for a while… not that I ever get invited anymore…

With all of that said… now that my ear is healing and my sensory issues aren’t as intense… I may get comfortable enough with noises from a crowd to possibly socialize again… but until then you can find me on this blog… continuing to hone my new non-screenwriting writer’s voice now that I’ve found it… to get back to writing fictional work again…

Alright… that’s all that I’ve got for this evening… talk to you again tomorrow when I make my next post… which I hope will be more light-hearted… thanks if you read this far!!!

Sincerely…

The Wicker Breaker