Good Evening Crickets…

Here we are at the end of yet another day… and I’ve been thinking a lot about this article where I first heard of the term Toxic Positivity… without having to read the article… the term alone was enough to put a name on what I feel that my family suffers from… and why it’s so hard for me to get help for anything… I’m old enough that it’s my issue to resolve on my own… so I’m not here to point fingers… but after reading the article as well as several other resources on the subject… being raised this way really fucked me up…

Yes… it would be nice if everything were always “okay” or “just fine”… but… how are you supposed to handle being the only one who sees that what’s being said is not the case… I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard… “No… everything okay… I’m just kind of tired…” only to get the cold shoulder for the rest of the week… until… one day… three weeks later… everything actually seems “A-Okay”… and god forbid you ever bring up the topic again… unless you want to be seen as the crazy one for remembering everything…

I’m starting to feel that this Toxic Positivity… is why I live my life sort of like an ‘80s sitcom… where there was not really any form of through-storyline to hang on to… every episode started the same way… so that you can watch any series in any order… a same but different story then plays out in the middle… where the same few characters get confused by the same sort of thing… with slightly different conclusions… if not exactly the same… the credits then roll… and everything resets…

This is how we handled alcoholism when I was a kid… and when I grew up… I replicated this living situation by always living and/or hanging out at party houses… where no matter how bad things would get… we’d all write it off as a party foul… and then never bring it up again… unless giving the other person shit… during the window of time the disappears during the end of the day reset…

You can even see that this is the pattern I use while working on this website… notice how if I ever get negative… I always follow up a gripe with a note about how everything is now manageable… or at worst… I’m sure I’ll be better by tomorrow’s post… I guess I now have something to bring up with my shrink during this week’s appointment… and can’t wait to read what my online coach has to say about my last message to her on the subject… she’s been a real help… since I can’t communicate verbally as well as I can when I write…

Alright… there you have my post for the end of the night… now it’s time to return my attention to my Arizer Extreme Q with remote control… before I head over to the couch to watch TV with the dog… in order to initiate the “reset process”… as always… I look forward to sharing the same sort of information around the same time… when I check in again tomorrow…

Sincerely…

The Wicker Breaker