Good Evening Crickets…

Here we are at the end of another night and today’s appointment with the pill doctor started a bit strange because I was so in my head over the warning that I got about what I should and shouldn’t talk about with her during yesterday’s appointment with my new talk therapist… the way that she phrased what psychiatrist do and don’t like… made me feel like I was either going to be talking to a celebrity doctor who I shouldn’t look directly in the eye… or more likely what she doesn’t like about how I share information with her…

I’m thinking it’s the latter… because of the line about me not going to school for years to be able to understand any symptoms that I may read about… enough to make a self-diagnosis… when I just made a suggestion about where we might start… because I feel like I have multiple symptoms that match an established condition… or family of disorders… I never claimed to have the answer… which is why I decided to reach out to an expert…

I get that the internet and modern entertainment have made everyone an armchair psychologist… but… before I ever went to a doctor for my lower back pain… I went to the internet to learn that the fact that the pain was spreading to my leg and my foot… there was a good chance that I was dealing with sciatica… I didn’t just go in and say that I was in pain only to let them discover where… no… I said how I had the symptoms of sciatica… and then he tested me for the symptoms to see for himself… so I figured that mental health help would happen that way as well…

I also hate how I’m not supposed to do my own research… but… if it wasn’t for me studying psychology for the character development of my fictional characters… giving me the freedom to use the Hollywood stereotypes as a form of shorthand… I wouldn’t know how to be a human… because I was also studying psychology to figure out how the normals interact… because I don’t know whether to believe what people say… or what their actions elude to… having been raised in a chaotic how where EVERYTHING was either fine or okay…

Oh well… tomorrow I get to start a new drug… which I swore that I would never do until I get an official diagnosis… but as I said… the appointment today went better than yesterday’s… so I’m back to being willing to give it a shot… and of course I’ll keep you posted on how things go… but for now… it’s off to bed… as always… I look forward to checking in again tomorrow night…

Sincerely…

The Wicker Breaker