Date: 4-8-2014

Due Date: 4-8-2015

Resolution: Actually it's just an LED light :( It still seems kind of magical though!

Who doesn't want whiter teeth? I could use expensive whitening strips that I'm pretty confident do work, but where's the foolish challenge in that? Instead, I will be giving the Whitelight a shot. After all, "It whitens teeth using the power of light!"

As always, I'll keep you posted on the progress.

Date: 4-9-2014

Due Date: 4-9-2015

Resolution: On Friday I'll FINALLY be able to afford to buy the supplies to start knocking out many of my resolutions that require money. That said, I'll be nowhere near having the funds to buy the high-end elliptical machine I resolved to purchase a while back.

In sticking with the April Fools theme I figured since I can't afford high end then I'd go with the lowest end and not only purchase one of these questionable devices but also use it for at least a half-hour a day until I can afford something better.

I'm not even sure I have the legroom under my desk to pull this off?

Oh well!

Date: 4-10-2014

Due Date: 4-10-2015

Resolution: In honor of my 100th resolution (the number of times a day I saw these commercials as a kid) and in sticking with the April Fools theme I will finally buy into decades worth of "too good to be true" marketing and buy a book from the Free Money series by Matthew Lesko.

I will not only buy said book but will go through and apply for all the free money that he claims is readily available to me because I would be crazy not to!!!

Date: 4-11-2014

Due Date: 4-11-2015

Resolution: Okay so this isn't really an April Fools themed resolution, but I did say a majority of the month would be devoted to foolish goals and not all of them. If my goal was all… I would've made that its own resolution :-)

That said today is payday and it's time to start ordering supplies. Before getting this day job I was living the life of a freelancer. Any spare money went into savings and Amazon purchases were rare.

Now that I have a steady income and a blog that requires me to buy things, I'm beginning to see this as a "you put your chocolate in my peanut butter" type situation and it would be foolish of me not to put these tastes together.

(Yes! I managed to work on the April Fools theme after all!)

To add an ongoing aspect to this challenge I figured I'd add the angle that I'd make all my purchases through one of my favorite podcast's Amazon link. The show is The Complete Guide to Everything, the link gives them a percentage of the money I spend at Amazon.

At the end of the year, I'll try and figure out what this amount ends up being.

Now to bookmark that link so I don't forget and fail this experiment.

Date: 4-12-2014

Due Date: 4-12-2015

Resolution: Sleep is one of the biggest struggles of my life. I feel that the anxiety of insomnia plays a big part in why I drink as much as I do. Up until I got this new job and new bedtime I had pretty much cut drinking down to a social activity. Now I'm back to being a daily drunk.

There is no crazy infomercial for the light bulb pictured above, no crazy pitchman making crazy promises. I just stumbled upon this while looking for sleep solutions on Amazon. The product description claims that this bulb, "filters the blue light that gets in melatonin's way, allowing you to sleep better."

This kind of makes sense to me… being that it's not natural to have some much light in our lives after a certain hour. This could potentially be a foolish presumption and if it is, I'll be out 50 bucks, qualifying this as an April Fools resolution.

Date: 4-13-2014

Due date: 4-13-2015

Resolution: When I was a kid my sister and grandparents were big puzzle people. I helped from time to time but I've never put together an entire puzzle by myself. I wanted to change this as part of my resolutions and also wanted to work it into this April Fools theme. Then I started to think, what's more foolish than putting the time and effort into creating something like this only to have it destroyed by a bunch of drunk adults with mini explosives?

Date: 4-14-2014

Due Date: 4-14-2015

Resolution: I'm not necessarily saying that acupressure is BS with this April Fools themed resolution. I know people swear by it. Several years ago when I was suffering severe back pain, I really wanted to give it a shot.

I just find it hard to believe that a device like this could be accurate enough to work. In my head, I picture that you need to hit the sweet spot in order to activate the desired response. I figure that you would have to get something like this custom made to hit said sweet spot to be effective.

I also figure, what the hell?

I'll give it a shot!!!

Date: 4-15-2014

Due Date: 4-15-2015

Resolution: This may sound like a bit of a contradiction being that I will also be experimenting with hair regrowth as part of my April Fools experiment.

Where I'm missing hair on my head, I've always been interested in permanently removing the hair from my tattooed areas.

These tattoos just look way more defined minus the leg curlies. I used to shave my legs about once a year and joke that it was because my Reservoir Dogs tattoo went from mobsters dressed in suits to mobsters in cashmere.

Now that the at-home laser/light-based hair removal systems have gotten more affordable, and I'm up for some foolish experiments... chocolate... peanut butter... leg hair... magical light... I believe I have a pretty good experiment going on here!!!

Date: 4-16-2014

Due Date: 4-16-2015

Resolution: So this year it looks like along with the Hollywood Cookie Diet and the Kinoki Foot Detox, I'll also be combining the two in a way, and no I won't be taping cookies to my feet. At some point in the year, I will experiment with the Hollywood Detox Body Wrap.

I'll probably wait until I'm a little smaller so I don't have to buy two, but who knows maybe I'll goof up the order and buy ten… just like I did with the foot detox pads.

As always, I'll keep you posted!

Date: 4-17-2014

Due Date: 4-17-2015

Resolution: Again, I started my day by checking out the AsSeenOnTV website for any foolish products to experiment with. I decided today I'd search for The Fountain of Youth when I stumbled upon this product.

The use of Stem Cell caught my eye. My thoughts are that these people are just using the idea that Stem Cell Research is in the news a lot, controversial, and promises the eventual solve all of our problems.

I don't know the science behind it, but I'm for the research. I can also see the side of others who don't know the science behind Stem Cells also buying into this. They know the term; the news plus the controversy must mean there is truth in these promises. This product must have some of that magical Stem Cell in there somehow.

At first, I thought this was all I needed to justify choosing this product as an April Fools themed experiment, and then I read a review.

It was too simple to be a joke, but I just love all the praise; 5 Starts, nice list of Pros, they would recommend it to a friend. They love this product.

The only drawback is that it's "Not Effective."

Once I read that, I was sold!

Date: 4-18-2014

Due Date: 4-18-2015

Resolution: Just like Huey Lewis, I want a new drug. Granted I'd prefer something that promoted lucid dreaming while I was awake, but I'd be willing to experiment with this pill that promises vivid dreams.

So I will.

Date: 4-19-2014

Due Date: 4-19-2015

Resolution: Though this resolution falls into the April Fools theme, it's not because I think Richard Simmons is a shyster. I just personally feel foolish exercising along to a DVD. I've tried it before and for whatever reason, it just feels weird.

I always imagine someone catching me flopping around even though I live alone. To add to the awkwardness I will also buy short shorts and a tank top and hopefully, my afro will arrive from the You'fro pills I'm taking.

Date: 4-20-2014

Due Date: 4-20-2015

Resolution: Believe it or not, I was very close to having a six-pack at one point in my life, and no this isn't a stupid beer joke. If it was then I’d finish it with, “but then I normally end up drinking more.” Anyway, between the ages of 17 and 19, I got really into weight lifting. Hopefully, this site shows that when I really get into something I really commit.

I did a lot of heavy lifting so I got big. At my peak, I could lift my shirt and push my gut out and you could see the evidence of my efforts. I never quite got to the point where you could see any definition in a relaxed state and probably never will. I'm fine with that though.

During this brief time of my life, I would buy bodybuilding magazines to learn new techniques and whatnot. There were always ads in the back of these magazines for some form of electric stimulation workout machines. This was before any of the cheap infomercial versions came out.

I was always fascinated by the concept, but these things were expensive, especially for a high school kid. The fact that Drago from Rocky used this technology as did Bruce Lee, at least that's what the movie Dragon taught me, added some validity to the claims these machines were making.

I in no way think this think will shock me into shape. I've just always been interested and figured I'd use the April Fools line of resolutions to give it a shot.

Date: 4-21-2014

Due Date: 4-21-2015

Resolution: This resolution is going to be foolish on multiple levels.

First off, I've defended this product at one point in my life. I've never tried spray-on hair, but I have said that I get it.

I have thinning hair. I partially blame damaging my scalp by dying my hair a lot as a young punk. I noticed that when I would dye my hair dark colors the dye would dye my skin as well. This would last for a couple of days and my hair looked much fuller.

Though this may be true, it's hard to make any point with the infomercial playing in the background.

The other levels of foolishness are; even though I don't feel foolish trying spray-on hair, I feel foolish thinking of the night that I'll have to go out with this stuff on my head. Finally, I'm sure whoever I hang out with will either also feel foolish, but more likely will do their best to make me feel MORE foolish.

Either way, it's going to be fun.

I can't wait to report the results.

Date: 4-22-2014

Due Date: 4-22-2015

Resolution: Yesterday I saw a post on Facebook about this guy who has a goal to collect every single copy of Speed on VHS that exists. If you can't tell already, one of my favorite thing in the world is the concept of being passionately dedicated to ambitious goals that others may not see the point in.

Therefore, I vow to help this man on his quest.

I in no way intend to devote a year to actively seeking out as many VHS copies of Speed in order to become an uninvited virtual sidekick/potential rival, but if I'm ever at a thrift store, a garage sale, or any other venues that would potentially sell said MacGuffin I'll do my part and buy what's there.

On April 22 2015 I will send him what I've managed to track down. My goal is at least but not limited to 12 copies (one a month.) If I don't reach that number passively the search will turn active and I'll pay the price. Even if I have to buy copies from him.

Date: 4-23-2014

Due Date: 4-23-2015

Resolution: It's infomercials like these that make me thankful that I exclusively get my entertainment via the internet these days. A while back, I had access to cable television for over a month, and this spot seemed to run every other break. It made me want to burn my eye out...

Okay maybe it didn’t lead to that extreme of a reaction but it's still gross.

I have a thing for ears. I think they can be cute. One thing that overrides this cuteness is my visceral response to commercials that depict the inner workings of the human body. Whether the jaw is cut in half to see the latest in toothbrush technology, the body is skinless to follow the digestive tract followed by an antacid, or a toenail is pulled up to see how fungus works, the cringe factor in all these cases is pretty high in my book.

This commercial has an animation showing eardrum damage with a Q-tip that makes my skin crawl. This animation is followed by another animation showing the pleasurable results of using the ear vacuum instead. This animation is just as bad.

Well, apparently marketing does eventually work because as I was searching for today's resolution/experiment the Ear Vac stood out as a must.

Date: 4-24-2014

Due Date: 4-24-2015

Resolution: Throughout this month of April Fools themed resolutions I've set many goals to experiment with sleep, foot care, weight loss, appearance, and various tasks that promise to quickly resolve any ailment or insecurity I may be suffering.

Other than ordering a book on free money from the government I've neglected to set any experiments that foolish promise to resolve my biggest concern of all...

Financial security.

Again as with all these other April Fools themed resolutions I'm here to test the absurd. As part of this test, I will track down an over-promising work-from-home solution to my financial woes and follow the steps even if it involves a small one-time fee.

I know paying to make money is the biggest telltale sign of a scam. If there is a fee I will only play along if it's low and one time and will instantly order a new ATM card upon signing up, just in case there is some reoccurring charge they set up without my knowledge. I like to order a new ATM card about once every other year so I know that I'm aware of who my auto-payments are going to. Which should only be Netflix and my internet.

(Note: I will not answer anyone who actively seeks me out, that's too scammy for my comfort zone.)

As always, I'll let you know what I find.

Date: 4-25-2014

Due Date: 4-25-2015

Resolution: I haven't actively sought out a relationship in quite a while. Even when I have put myself on the market it's hard to tell.

I've been aware of my neuroticism ever since I was young, fearing acceptance as much, if not more than rejection. At least with rejection, it's quick and you only end up losing someone that you think you may like, rather than anxiously awaiting the day you lose the one you know you love.

I'm fully aware this is no way to go through life, but that's the way my brain works. It seems I either spend my time pining away over unrequited love, running from unwarranted affection, or completely alone.

I'm working on being a better person to myself as much as I'm trying to be a better resident of Earth, hence this whole resolution thing.

I'm nowhere near the point of resolving to actively seek a relationship, hopefully, this will be one of my later resolutions. Since I'm experimenting with foolish products that promise magical results, I figured why not test this unscented pheromone that promises to attract women via the sense of smell.

Other scented products offered the same results but then who's to say it's not an overall improvement of odor and not this unscented scent that is doing the work.

Some day within a year I will buy a bottle and wear the recommended dosage until it runs out and share what happens.

Date: 4-26-2014

Due Date: 4-26-2015

Resolution: I may not be buying a foolish product to complete this resolution, but some may say it's not all that smart to eat nothing but cheese for an entire day. This led me to the question… would it be smarter to take a stool softener before getting plugged up with cheese or are they designed to work after the fact???

I always heard that eating a lot of cheese before bed leads to lucid dreaming and that eating a lot of chocolate before bed incites horrible nightmares. Being that I love playing in the world of dreams I want to see what would happen if these two worlds were to collide.

As soon as I can afford to buy the magical sleep light from Resolution #102, the magical sleep acupressure bracelet from Resolution #104, and the magical dream pills from Resolution #108, I will plan a day off to actually relax. I'll spend the entire day doing things to promote a nice peaceful nights sleep while eating nothing but cheese and chocolate to see how this affects my dreams.

I'll make sure to sleep with a notepad and a pen next to me to record any findings before they disappear into the ether.

I will then share said notes with you.

Date: 4-27-2014

Due Date: 4-27-2015

Resolution: I just got home from work and sat down to figure out the foolish resolution of the day. I fired up the Todd Glass Podcast as part of Resolution #63 and they were really going off about how dumb this Dump Cake product is; pointing out if you're this disinterested in baking, why not just buy the finished project?

They pretty much made my decision for me. All I had left to do was figure out what to do with the Dump Cake and Dump Dinner. In sticking with the time-honored tradition of As Seen on TV products I'm going to give you two resolutions for the price of one!!!

Part one: I'll live off of nothing but Dump Dinners for an entire week.

Part two: Whenever I get invited to a potluck I'll dump up a recipe and bring it as my dish.