Date: 11-14-2014

Due Date: 11-14-2015

The Resolution: I never felt that I was all that good at breathing.

Heavy or healthy, I get winded easy, I suffer from a mild case of sleep apnea, and from time to time I find that I'm just holding my breath for no reason whatsoever. Sometimes I joke that I'm too busy thinking about other things to remember to breathe. I fully believe that this leads to some of my anxiety issues.

I wonder if learning circular breathing will help with these breathing issues.

Either way… I'm going to give it a shot!!!

Date: 11-15-2014

Due Date: 11-15-2015

The Resolution: Last year a short film I wrote called 487 was produced here in Washington State. It's the story of a man in a lifelong race with no clue where the finish line is.

Ironically, I couldn't tell you the last time I hurried to beat a changing crosswalk signal let alone ran with any fitness in mind.

I haven't posted many pictures as proof, but some of these other health and fitness resolutions have been working to get me in shape.

I'm still not a big fan of anything that involves leaving the apartment so I'm not sure how I'm going to train for this but by this time next year… I plan to be able to run at least one mile without having to take any walking breaks.

Date: 11-16-2014

Due Date: 11-16-2015

The Resolution: Being that I was born in the ‘70s, I've always been aware of the word macramé. It wasn't until about four years again when I asked a friend, "What the hell is macramé," that I figured out what it actually is.

Well, I realized what macramé refers to not what it actually is.

Macramé was that crazy big orange owl thing that hung in the corner of our living room when I was a kid. The one with the big bushy tail that I stood under to pretend it was a wig. It has something to do with yarn and absolutely nothing to do with macaroni.

Even though I can now picture an example, I have no idea what kind of work goes into making one of these majestic owls.

This is going to be the year that I figure out macramé by creating my very own Macramé Predator Penguin to confuse the youth.

Date: 11-17-2014

Due Date: 11-27-2014

The Resolution: Those of you who know me, know that I have a Thanksgiving tradition of making myself a pathetic Thanksgiving dinner to then get blackout drunk while watching the movie Duets.

This year I'm going to try something new.

I'm going to step up my Thanksgiving dinner and cook my first full turkey.

I figure while I'm at it I may as add my own style, or "flavor" if you will.

I'm not sure how well this will work but I also plan to use my tattoo gun to get some practice in while injecting flavor into my festive meal.

Who knows? If this works I may start tattooing more of my meals.

Date: 11-18-2014

Due Date: 11-18-2015

The Resolution: I feel it's time to put another book to test. The other day while perusing Amazon.com I came across this book of 46 Health Hacks. Being that I could use some more health experiments in my life I figure why not give them all a shot.

Date: 11-19-2014

Due Date: 11-19-2015

The Resolution: Several years ago I trained at a boxing gym for about two months. By trained, I mean I took two cardio classes a week without punching anything other than a heavy bag.

I was so jealous of everyone else in the class because they were able to jump rope without looking like a moron.

Meanwhile, there I was in my head, "Okay swing the rope... jump. Swing the rope... jump."

I was eventually able to rally and complete four to ten jumps without having to start over. I think this may have been part of the reason I slowly stopped showing up to class until I gave up completely.

I still like the idea of jumping rope because it seems to be a good cardio workout that can be done in confined spaces (aka without having to leave the apartment) and feel I could use some more of that in my life.

I also want to figure out what the hell it is that boxers do when they cross their hands while jumping rope. It seems like some kind of magic to me.

Date: 11-20-2014

Due Date: 11-20-2015

The Resolution: First off, just like most people on this planet, I have little interest in hearing other people’s dreams let alone try to interpret them. Personally… I feel dream interpretation is up to oneself to find the meaning.

That's said, I'm also not all that interested in interpreting my own dreams. For the most part… they all seem to stem from my frustrations with failure in my personal life.

What I am interested in is learning the symbolism and imagery of dreams in an attempt to add layers to my writing. Being that my writing genre of choice has evolved into dark psychological surrealism, I figure this may be a nice tool to add to my skill set.

Date: 11-21-2014

Due Date: 11-21-2015

The Resolution: Due to Resolution #266 I've gotten pretty good at planking. I had to restart the one month challenge to get to the point where I can plank for five minutes straight. I have an entire year to complete the challenge, so I'm not all that worried about failure.

About a month ago I tried salvia for the first time. It was an amazing experience that I feel has helped my dealing with depression. I was not only amazed by how fast it takes for the salvia trip to kick in but also how intense and quick the ride is. I'd say from start to finish you only feel the effects for about five minutes.

Five minutes...

My planking goal.

I think we have a "you put your chocolate in my peanut butter" situation going on here.

At some point within the year… I am going to mix fitness and pleasure as I attempt to ride out a salvia trip while planking.

Date: 11-22-2014

Due Date: 11-22-2015

The Resolution: Am I alone in finding that the headstand has taken over firewalking as a sign of overcoming adversity? I don't know why… but this idea is very amusing to me right now. I guess I'll add it to the list!

Date: 11-23-2014

Due Date: 11-23-2015

The Resolution: I haven't had cable in years so I'm not sure whether or not muscle-bound men performing feats of strength in the name of the Lord is still a staple in late-night channel surfing.

I never really understood the connections between theism and one’s ability to bend a railroad spike but I knew they were onto something. Even as an atheist I couldn't flip past The Power Team without watching for at least a few minutes.

I've seen many a phone book ripped in half by these people who pray and now's the time to train to do it as well, without the help of any power higher than the internet, because I know the internet has the answers.

Date: 11-24-2014

Due Date: 11-24-2015

The Resolution: I'm not sure what I was looking for when I stumble upon this old-timey advertisement for whiskey toothpaste but I do know that I wanted to give it a shot the second I saw it.

I instantly tried another search to see if there was a modern version of the product available for purchase only to find an unavailable contemporary brand.

Then I thought, "Screw it." Since a majority of these resolutions are my attempts to learn to be self-sufficient I decided to figure out how to make whiskey toothpaste on my own.

And here we are today.

Date: 11-25-2014

Due Date: 11-25-2015

The Resolution: I had a hard time getting out of bed this morning. I always have a hard time dealing with the separation anxiety of having to literally get out of my comfort zone. I finally got up and sat down at the computer to start my day.

I was still waking up and wasn't quite in blogger mode yet. When I went to Facebook to see what happened while I was asleep. I found a post on my wall from a friend pointing out this 70-day bed experiment being put on by NASA.

She suggested I apply.

Meanwhile, since I saw the title of the article before reading the comment, I was already plotting how I could pull this off with or without NASA's involvement. The comment snapped me back to reality.

Duh, of course… I should see if I could get paid for this before any attempt to pull the experiment on my own.

I'm about to fill out the application.

Hopefully… NASA will find this website to see my commitment to experiments and know that I'm the man for the job!!!

Date: 11-26-2014

Due Date: 11-26-2015

The Resolution: In Resolution #306 I vowed to learn how to really use a camera and develop the film. I already have a digital camera to learn all the settings and techniques and whatnot, but I do not have a film camera. Since I'll need a film camera in order to obtain the film I need to develop, I decided that I'll make my own.

Date: 11-27-2014

Due Date: 11-27-2015

The Resolution: Thanksgiving is the only holiday that I have my own tradition for. It started about 13 years ago when all my roommates went home to be with their families. My family was far away in San Diego and I tend to save my annual trip home for some time in the Christmas season. Though I received invites to join friends and their families, I preferred to be alone.

I had no plans but to cook a turkey drumstick and drink some whiskey.

We had dial-up at the time, so fun time on the internet never lasted all that long. I pretty much only used the web for email, TheBrunchingShuttlecocks.com, and Zooass.com. It took about a half-hour to get fed up with page loading time so I had to resort to movies to kill time.

I'd seen Duets in the theater as a midnight screening for the employees. I found the movie to be so bad that it was good and decided I must own it on DVD. For some reason, in my drunken state… I decided this would be the day that I break the seal and watch the movie for a second time.

I woke up the next morning to the menu sequence repeating over and over again on its annoying loop. I barely remembered starting the DVD let alone watching the movie. I found the pieces to the drunken puzzle to be so beautifully convoluted that I had to make it an annual tradition.

I've blacked out while watching Duets every Thanksgiving since.

I've only made it all the way through the movie two maybe three times and am always amazed that I actually like the movie.

This year I'm going to attempt to pace myself to make it all the way through again.

Date: 11-28-2014

Due Date: 11-28-2015

The Resolution: Of all the resolutions that I've made so far, learning to draw has been the most life change of these experiments. I've already completed a couple of learn-to-draw books and now it's time to start another.

I'm getting pretty good at following guides that show how to draw specific objects but I need to figure out how to draw what I see.

Luckily I found this book; How To Draw What You See!!!

By this time next year… I will have worked my way through all the assignments in said book.

Date: 11-29-2014

Due Date: 11-29-2015

The Resolution: I've never been good at relationships. Part of the problem is that I've never thought anyone could be physically attracted to me, so I'm not one to make any moves. Then as I try to win them over I end up in the friend zone.

The other day, I was listening to The Howard Stern Show and they were talking about the reality shows that are currently on the air when Robin started to describe Married at First Sight. A show where scientists match up strangers who then meet at the altar then get married. Because of my love of experimentation, this sounded like the perfect show to try out for.

I'm kind of a fan of the idea of instant marriage. The best part of a relationship is getting to know one another. I figure why not go through this romantic period as a married couple?

That and I've been fascinated with Harvey Pekar's relation to his wife, as depicted in American Splendor. Upon meeting Mr. Pekar she knows that they should get married right away and they do.

I almost ended up in a situation like this but I guess the girl involved wasn't as committed to the bit.

I figure that since this is for a reality they’re going to weed out all the sane people out to find someone who’s crazy enough to actually give it a shot.

That is if I were to get on the show, which I doubt but I have a great story built up in my head so I will be applying to be on season 2.

Date: 11-30-2014

Due Date: 11-30-2015

The Resolution: Now when I say hit a home run I don’t mean while playing the game, and no I also don't mean hitting one in some sort of video game (though Wii baseball maybe how I train.)

I want to go to a park with a couple of friends… hopefully… someone who knows how to intentionally pitch a home run pitch so that I can just swing for the fences.

I could make this easier if I were to try to accomplish this at the batting cages. Not that it's easier to hit a home run at the cages. It would just be easier to make this happen without having to depend on others.

That and I've been robbed by many batting cage home runs by both the upper net and the fact that I aim to hit the ball back at the pitching machines. I know it's a dick move but I just can't help it.

I mainly want to see if I can hit a real deal home run but I'm not all that interested in the game.

Date: 12-1-2014

Due Date: 12-1-2015

The Resolution: Have a weird thing with time. I don't like to leave the apartment unless I leave at the exact time that time is divisible by five. Until my job was a five-minute walk away my mental hang-up was to wait for the clock to hit a quarter of the hour to leave.

How do you break a strange habit?

By creating an even stranger habit!

For the next year, if I have any say in what time something goes down, I will select a time that is not divisible by five.

Looks like I'll have to start getting excited about 4:21!!!

Date: 12-2-2014

Due Date: 12-2-2015

The Resolution: Last night I was on the internet looking for an old home run derby game that I used to like. I felt the urge to practice for Resolution #334.

One of the games that showed up was HomeRun Albanifest 2004. The object of the game is to move the mouse from side to side to keep a drunk character balanced as he attempts to walk home.

I had to check it out.

This game is frustrating yet fun.

I played it three times and never lasted more than a few seconds. This made me really want to see how the game advance once you get past the starting point.

The one way I know to get myself to commit to something like this is to make it a resolution.

So here we are today.

I'll let you know if I ever make it home.

Date: 12-3-2014

Due Date: 12-3-2015

The Resolution:

I discovered the book 50c Challenge while hunting down today's resolution. I didn't really look into what’s involved in the challenge other than the subtitle "You Don't Need Money to Make Money."

I take it this is a get rich quick challenge but I don't want to investigate further because that would ruin the surprise of what it will take to complete this book.

I already pointed out in the title the irony that a book that teaches you to get rich off of 50c costs $3.00, so this will technically be a $3.50 Challenge.